Golf One-Liners
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
~Author Unknown
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
~Author Unknown
I've spent most of my life golfing ... the rest I've just wasted.
~Author Unknown
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
~Raymond Floyd
My handicap? Woods and irons.
~Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~Pete Dye
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~Jim Bishop
I'm hitting the woods just great ... but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~Author Unknown
I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
~Gerald Ford
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
~Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.
~Paul Harvey
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
~Ernest Hemingway
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~Jack Benny
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
~Al Boliska
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
~Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
~Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
~Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~Jack Lemmon
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
~Joe E. Lewis
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~Harry Vardon
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~Woodrow Wilson
A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible.
~Author Unknown
Gone golfin' ... be back dark thirty.
~Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work.
~Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
~Author Unknown
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures ... and not in still waters.
~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~Author Unknown
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
View List
